Light the Fire
by sopaltenbass
Summary: Seamus doesn't think he deserves to love or be loved.


**Title:** Light the Fire – a songfic  
**Author:** sopaltenbass  
**Beta:** None. If you see something, say something.  
**Disclaimer:** 1. This is a work of fan-fiction. 2. No money is made on this work. 3. JKR retains her rights. 4. thanfiction retains his portions. 5. Song lyrics are the property of Bill Maxwell.  
**Rating:** PG/K+ – just to be absolutely safe.  
**WIP/Length:** Complete/1454 words  
**Main Character(s):** Seamus/Susan  
**Warnings:** angst and fluff – How I managed to get both in there is anyone's guess… Oh and multiple POVs  
**Spoilers:** _Sluagh _by thanfiction  
**Summary:** Seamus doesn't think he deserves to love or be loved.  
**Author's Notes:** Well, with the good response that I got to "Called to Account" (the ficlet I wrote for elen_nare's prompt of "Ballad of Accounting" by Ewan MacColl for the June Whose Fic contest on daydverse) I thought I'd give songfic another try here. :D The song I used this time is "Light the Fire" by Bill Maxwell. I've just played with it. Please don't sue me. Written for the July contest on daydverse for the prompt of "fire". The contest closed July 31, 2010.

* * *

**Light the Fire**

Seamus didn't know what he was feeling at first. It had been so long since he had felt this passionately about another person. Certainly, he had had a passion for the Diabhal Dubh – he wanted to see him destroyed – but that was not the same as what he was feeling now, for Susan.

She had been nothing but kind to Seamus, despite everything he had done, despite being completely cut off from the surviving members of the DA for so long, despite disappearing for over fifteen years, though nearly ten of those years existed only in Seamus and Neville's memories. But Susan was like that, he had been told. Susan looked after people, and now that he needed looking after, she would look after him as well.

But he couldn't love her. It wasn't appropriate. She was a widow with a little girl. How could he insinuate himself into their family? He was a murderer after all. He was a terrible person. And he didn't deserve to be happy. He couldn't love her.

And so, he spent his days of incarceration at Loch Cibeirdraoid in near isolation, eating only when he absolutely had to, and trying to push down the feelings he was struggling to contain. He should have known that it wouldn't fool Susan.

Susan didn't understand why, now that Seamus was recovered from his injuries, he was still so detached from the rest of them. She didn't want it to be so. It was what she had tried to prevent in the first place. Seamus was a social being, or at least, he had been. She would never forget how he and Ginny Weasley had danced that one night in the Room of Requirement. He had been so full of life, and now? Now he seemed like an empty shell of himself.

He didn't seem to want to be around other people anymore, and Susan wondered why. Why would he isolate himself so? She knew she'd have to get to the bottom of this somehow. If Seamus needed help dealing with his demons, she wanted to be the one to offer that help. She was slowly coming to the realization that she just might be able to find happiness with another man. Could she find it with Seamus? Would he want her?

She had to talk to him. Find out what he was keeping so closely guarded. And maybe, when the time was right, she'd tell him how she felt.

She sought him out one afternoon as he sat, knees pulled up close to his body, staring into space in a pasture with the Demiguise. The invisible creatures ignored him mostly, and he was quite content to ignore them as well. It was easier to ignore the Demiguise than the sheep and that was why he had chosen this particular pasture. When Susan sat down beside him, he started. He had been so lost in his thoughts, it was almost as if he were back with Cuchulainn in the Oweynagat. He looked at Susan for a moment, her kind eyes, her fair, porcelain skin, the swell of her breasts…

_Nay, Seamus, lad,_ he rebuked himself, and looked away. She noticed his discomfort. She noticed everything.

"What's the matter, Seamus?" she asked, her hand raised as if to stroke his cheek in a comforting gesture. He couldn't allow her to do that. He'd go mental. _Or, at least, more mental than I already am_, he thought bitterly.

"Why did ya save me? I'm not worth nothin' to nobody. Why shouldn't I be rottin' in Azkaban fer me crimes?"

"That can't be what you really think, Seamus. You're worth so much to so many. Why would you ever doubt that?"

"After what I done, who could want me around? I'm surprised yer not nervous about havin' me here, what with Cecily and all."

"Seamus, you're not a bad person. You just did what you thought you had to do. And it's a good thing you did, too, because if you hadn't we might all be under a new reign of terror. You saved us, Seamus. You saved us all. And if the Ministry can't see that, the whole lot of them are morons."

Seamus smiled a little despite himself. Ah, it was amazing what she could do to him with just her words.

"It's not just that, t' be honest, Susan." He could feel himself losing what little self-control he had left. He was entering treacherous waters here, but he didn't seem to care, and he found that amusing. "I stand t' praise ya, but I fall on me knees. Me spirit is willin'…but me flesh is so weak." He dropped his forehead onto his crossed arms resting atop his knees.

"What do you mean, Seamus?" Could he possibly mean what Susan thought he meant? Could she allow herself that small ray of hope that he might possibly feel something of what she felt for him?

"Ah, feck it. I'm no good with the flowery love talk."

"I don't mind," Susan replied and she meant it. _Please, let him say it, please_.

"You've sparked somethin' in me, Susan Macmillan. Ah, but there's the problem. Yer a Macmillan now. Ya always loved Ernie."

"Seamus, please," she said, with such sincerity that it removed the last shred of Seamus' reserve.

"Susan, I want you, no, I need you to light the fire in me soul. Fan the flame, make me whole. Oh, ya know where I've been. Ya may not want t' admit it, but ya know. So, light the fire in me heart again. Please Susan, let me love ya. I know I'm not fit for anythin', know I don't deserve ya. But please, I've got t' love somethin' or someone jes' once in me life, please. Light the fire in me heart again."

Now he'd done it. He'd gone and made a right fool of himself, and she wouldn't even reply to him. She'd just walk away and leave him be. But that's what he wanted really, wasn't it?

Except she didn't walk away.

Seamus found himself being embraced, and it was like the weight of fifteen years lifted from him. And Susan was saying something, but he couldn't comprehend the words through his shock. She clutched him to her and all his imaginings of what it would be like to feel her close to him dissolved into nothingness as reality washed over him. Then she was pulling back, and he could hear her properly once more.

"Oh Seamus, you have no idea the impact you've made in my life. Not just with getting rid of the Diabhal Dubh, but generally. Having you here, it's been…it's made me feel whole again. I feel your arms around me, as the power of your healing begins. Because I've not just been healing you, Seamus, you've been healing me, too. You breathe new life right through me, like a mighty rushing wind. Seamus, you light the fire in _my_ soul. Fan the flame. Make me whole again. And, oh you may not want to admit it either, because it's such a part of your past, but you know where I've been too. So, you've lit the fire in my heart again, and I don't want it to ever go out again."

Seamus stared into Susan's warm eyes and saw the love in them. It must have been there ever since she'd brought him to the Loch, in one form or another, and he had simply been too blind to see it.

"May I kiss ya, Susan?"

The answer came in soft lips against his own. This was living, Seamus thought. Truly living. This was true _gra*_. And he never wanted to let it go.

* * *

*Gaelic for "love"


End file.
